Adulting: The Realization that None of Us Really Know What We're Doing

Nobody has got it all figured out. 

This is something I've had to tell my perfectionist, goal-oriented, driven, overachieving, harsh-critic, self-doubting self, over and over again. 

So you're 20 years old? Big deal. You can still make mistakes, you can still eat to much candy and junk food, not get enough sleep, put off exercise, go days without washing your hair, wear too much perfume, forget to put on deodorant, eat ice cream out of the tub, neglect cleaning your room or never iron your shirts. You can procrastinate all your assignments, date boys that you know are bad for you, try things you probably shouldn't and forget to pack underwear. 

You're 20. It's okay to not have it all figured out. 

Do you laugh? Do you engage in interesting, stimulating conversation with friends? Do you have friends? A friend? Are you happy? Most of the time? Sometimes? Do you take time out of your day to do something fun or exciting? Are you at least trying to have it all together?

Then you're doing okay. 

Let yourself be 20, let yourself mess up, make a mess, be a mess and then set yourself straight again. Let yourself off the hook every now and then. I'm a stickler for having my shit together 24/7, 365, but what good does it do when I just end up crying about how stressed out and unhappy I am? 

Better I let myself let loose a bit and be a mess, cry it out, eat the cake -- the whole damn thing, stay up late watching Netflix, eat ramen noodles even though I know they're bad for me, procrastinate my readings for a little bit longer, drink wine and laugh with my roommates and relish in my mistakes, mishaps, and slip ups. I'm human, it happens. 

I have no idea where I will be tomorrow, next month, this December, two years from now or when I'm 30. And guess what? I don't care. Cause who the hell knows? Better I stress about that which is in reach and worry about washing my uniform for my shift tomorrow, taking a shower in the morning, brushing my hair, eating breakfast, finishing my readings before bed and drinking enough water. 

No one has a clue what they're doing with their lives and pretending to have it all figured out is just too exhausting. I'm all about tackling the tasks at hand, only reaching and touching the things that are within' reach and focusing on the right now, the every day and accepting that tomorrow's worries are too big a burden to bare, just yet. 

So what am I doing with my life? 

Well, it's a surprise. 


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